Because we are so conditioned to separate from our bodies and live our lives in our heads many of us struggle to experience sexual pleasure in our bodies,
And the thing is sex, the pleasure of sex, our orgasms, our sexual experiences aren’t a “head” experiences, they’re embodied, physical experiences.
Sex is essentially about feeling our sexual energy activating, expanding and moving in our bodies, so if we can't feel sensation in our bodies we are going to have a very diminished sexual experience.
Which is why when we are in our heads during sex - whether worrying about our day, losing ourself in fantasies or disassociating from our physical pleasure to “last longer”, we end up in a sexual experience that doesn’t fulfil us as deeply as we desire.
So how do you get out of your head and into your body?
Well, the first thing to understand, is that you can’t simply think yourself into your body.
The simplest, most accessible practice to get down into our bodies is breath work.
When we pay conscious attention to our breath it quiets our usually loud and busy prefrontal cortex, which gives us the space to experience our humanity in a totally different way.
Breath-work also rapidly re-oxygenates our bodies which we experience as increased sensation within our bodies.
Deep, conscious breathing makes it easier for us to feel our bodies.
Bodies which have felt numb and shut down, have been ignored for months, years or even decades, feel newly alive when we breathe deeply for a sustained period of time.
When I enthuse about conscious breathing in sex I can see people’s eyes glaze over, it doesn't sound very sexy.
But I beg you to give it a try - it is an incredibly powerful tool that makes you feel very sexy!
You do not have to commit to an extended period of conscious breathing for it to considerably impact on the level of sensation you feel in your body during sex.
Long breath-work sessions are deeply transformational, but you do not need to spend hours in breath practices for you to experience profound changes in your body and your sex.
There are two simple ways you can use breath to change your sexual experience -
You can spend some time taking deep breaths into your genitals or lower belly before you have sex. Standing, sitting or lying down inhale deeply, drawing your breath down into your body and then relax deeply on the exhale.
If you do just 10 of these deep breaths your body is going to feel different afterwards, and the longer you spend breathing like this the more highly sensitised your body is going to become.
As we breathe deeply, and take down our usually dominant cortical control, we move into a spacey or trance-like state. We quieten the critical, sex-negative voices in our heads and drop more deeply into our bodies, connecting with more nuanced sensation within and totally changing our sexual experience.
You can also use your breath during sex (either solo or partner sex) to expand and move energy in your body and so change your orgasmic experience.
Learning to use breath to deeply relax your body during sex enables your sexual energy to flow around your body as it builds, rather than leaving your body in an explosive climax.
We are highly conditioned to tense our bodies to bring them to climax, but when we instead relax, we are able to experience much deeper, longer lasting and fuller-bodied orgasms.
The exciting thing about using breath to change your sexual experience is that it completely changes your understanding of what sex is, of the potential of sex and of how you experience your sexuality.
Sex moves beyond the physical, linear model with its focus on penetration and male ejaculation to something so much more expansive, immeasurable, transformational and even spiritual.
When you use breath to expand and move energy in your body you don’t need your body to perform in a certain way. Your gender doesn’t matter. Your age doesn’t matter - you are just a breathing, living human being able to expand the energy in your body in the most incredible, mind-exploding, transformational ways.
If you would like to learn more about the different ways you can work with me to experience a better sex life, book a complimentary and confidential call with me:
Photo byDarius Bashar onUnsplash
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